that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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