With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
