I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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