His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
