I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
