Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
