it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I want her autograph on my taint
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
