Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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