I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
