I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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