I'm going to jail i love you
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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