I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
