I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
