I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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