Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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