So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
