Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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