Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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