He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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