u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
