so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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