M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
