We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
