You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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