last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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