So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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