Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
