I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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