I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
