i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
