Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
