so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
