dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
