Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
