Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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