I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
