I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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