pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
