I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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