a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
