that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
