I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
