the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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