we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
