So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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