So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
