Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
