I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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