I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
