Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
