this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
