my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
