I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
